Wednesday, July 22, 2009

deeper conversation

wow, ni hari bored tahap maksima, ada juga baiknya.. saya merayau-rayau tengok blog orang lain, ada citer pasal cara berjimat cermat, ada citer pasal hati rempah, ada citer pasal nubhan, ada citer pasal habit anak sambil menyusu, ada citer malika sherawat 'wow'.. hehehe.. now baru prasan, that i'm so cocooning myself doing the same things day by day.. buat yg routine aje, baca blog yg aku dah readily link kat akunya page. sedangkan banyak lagi blog yg aku boleh terjah.. mmm.. only that sometimes doing the obvious sangat menyelesakan, kita lupa kita boleh cuba benda baru.. :)

so, mental note.. get out of the box..

selain itu nak bercerita lagilah.. bulan ini kan aku banyak bercerita mengenai masa lampau saya dan hubby dude.. cerita2 jiwang karat.. malam ni nak cerita pasal presence lak, walau seindah mana pon kisah cinta kita, lepas kawin maintainence is a different thing.. seriyes tak sama.. hehehe..

seperti, dalam setahun yg lalu aku merasakan routine kerja hubby dude menyebabkan aku ilang connection ngan dia, ala2 radar aku tokleh detect vibes best from him.. heheh.. seriyes.. ulang routines sama day by day.. kengkadang tak sempat pun buat citer lawak of the day.. tak sempat pun borak2 apa jadi belah siang kat idup aku yg mundane tapi aku buat2 ala best, -chuckle-..hubby dude balik kerja kengkadang tertidor depan tv, kengkadang bergurau ngan kids, kengkadang landing je kapla ataih katil, terus belayar.. hehe, kengkadang aku ala2 rasa macam 'duh, tu aje ke?..' and aku juga keguguran tahun lepas, and somehow aku merasakan yg hubby dude tidak sensitif enough ngan akunya errr macam2lah, malas lak nak cakap in details.. hahahaha.. sebenarnya kitorang lost in translation, akunya habit telling him everything is fine, err, lelaki mmg kengkadang tak reti read the hidden line, and bila kita kata okay, dia pun assumed okay, esp bila diorang too busy to read yer reaction.. :) ..

and tahun ini everythin sedikit demi sedikit getting better, ada skali i was freakin snapped and kali ni hubby dude really pay attention and tanya dari mana suma the anger and dissappointment datang.. :) ..

and malam ni nak citer le one of the langkah we took.. ni sumer diilhamkan dek lagu yuna, deeper conversation.. so, kitorang promise, will try, really try to have one little conversation sbelum tido.. unless kitoang cant muster any energy to go on, barulah boleh trus tido mcm kayu balak, hehe,

so, last nite, hubby dude said, 'i read yer older entry today..' he was referring on my ten thing to do with him itew..(one of my earliest entry).. and he was referring to the number 10

Finally, well, this a hope, it's always Allah's work at the end of the day. I hope in my death bed, my hubby will hold my hands and accompany me in my last journey. I want to see his face before i closed my eyes. I hope to mati in iman, i hope he'll guide me with the syahadah. i hope to live my life the fullest with him, i hope there's no regrets, i hope i give my best to him, i hope we'll still be smiling to each other and i hope there's nothing left to tell.

he asked me, is there anythin that i have left telling.. tade la kan.. up to last nite that is.. :).. he said the same thing.

pas tu he said, he prefers I go first, he knows that it would be painfull, but he'll manage.. and i said, i could never face if the scenario the other way around.. dah banyak kali try to put some sense in my head, still tokleh gak nak face.. mmmphh.. I know, I know.. ini kerja Allah.. aku spatutnya paham yg semuanya a loan from Him.. hopefully, bila aku makin tua or bila this loan is taken back, aku can muster some strength to get through my life feeling that's not about me being left behind, it's bout the journey we had, and the fun we had..

wow, must be the time of the month again.. hahaha

6 comments:

Tijah said...

mudah2an dapat mati dgn redha mak, ayah & suami.

aminnn...


wah! tiba2 tijah insaf!

hantumakan said...

haha, ha'ah la tijah, aku lupo lak pasal parents aku..

amin ya amin

Abdul Wafi said...

huhuh, sedihnya.

mudah mudahan la ye kak.

eyda said...

agaknye semua orang yang dah kawin macam tu ke? kadang2 macam takde connection...mati la, saye ni baru anak satu dah lost connection ke?..waaa

hantumakan said...

abdul wafi - hi.. haha.. tak sedih la sbenarnya.. the truth about marriage.. choi , the sometimes low tide of life..

eyda - kaaan eyda kan, kengkadang rasa mcm wavelength tak on.. kengkadang kalau wavelength on tpi tak cakap pon rasa sronok..

d'greatest (ii) said...

syahdu plak rasa.. :)
tapi, pd aku utk couple2 nih, mmg akan ada cycle naik turun.. part "turun" tu la yg akan terasa sangat mcm takder connection.. terlalu terbiasa dgn routine.. and agree dgn solution yg kau amik tuh hehe..